I became a vegan overnight. It happened on Tuesday, May 5th, 2015. I was looking into Parkour because I was wondering how beginners get started and came across Ryan Ford's Apex Movement website. On the website, he links to a video of Tim Shieff (World Champion free runner) talking about the philosophy behind his parkour. So, inspired, I decided to find out more about Tim Shieff and stumbled across a video he made about his reasons for being vegan. That really got me thinking. I love animals. I keep many: dogs, cats, horses and would defend them against anything and do anything for them - they are not property, they are my family and I have always felt that very strongly. I have always felt when you get a pet that they become like children and you have a responsibility to treat them as you would children; they are just as innocent and vulnerable.
So, why had it never occurred to me just what lies behind the meat and dairy products I was eating?? When Tim Shieff recommended a video by Gary Yourofsky (animal rights activist and vegan) called (on YouTube) the Best Speech You Will Ever Hear, I searched for it, found it, and watched. I was in tears pretty quickly. How could I ever have missed how much suffering goes on? How could I ever have thought that certain kinds of animals somehow don't have the capability for emotional as well as physical suffering like the animals I live with and love obviously do? My dog cries if I "abandon" her for five minutes to nip into the supermarket for gods' sake.
I have witnessed the panic and distress in the eyes of my pony when I as a child (accidentally) let her weeks-old foal sneak out of the field gate and the relief in her eyes when I managed to wrangle him back in before my parents saw what had happened... Why did I ever just assume that female cows don't feel that same panic and sorrow when their calves are stolen away from them moments after birth? Yep, Gary's video pretty much converted me in the space of a single hour. I had made up my mind to be a vegan.
Now, my first (really quite counter-intuitive) initial thoughts in response to this decision were that I should be sensible and just wean myself off animal products gradually - isn't that what people always tell you to to - not to make a sudden change but "pace yourself"? So, I told JP, my husband, that evening that I was going vegan but that I was going to be sensible about it, in order to reassure him because I've had some health issues (fatigue etc) in the last couple of months. I decided to quit cow, pig and chicken meat immediately but to ease dairy products out gradually. That evening, to prove to my husband I was being sensible, I made an omelette for dinner. Then I went to bed.
The next morning I woke up and that was it. No more animal products of any kind. I guess, some process had been going on in my mind while I slept but I woke up and just felt this deep conviction that it was done. Maybe I just can't do things half way, maybe I've made a mistake for my health (I highly doubt it) in just suddenly changing. But I don't care. Somehow I realised that I knew deep in my heart that:
*It's not about me*
Going vegan is not about taking it easy on myself or easing myself into a new, healthier lifestyle. It's not a lifestyle choice. It's a moral choice. An ethical choice. Quite simply, once I had accepted that eating meat was cruel, that was it, I could never do it again, no matter what short-term impact it had on me.
I've read some posts with people saying that they've decided to go vegan because they know it's wrong to eat meat but that they are just going to finish up the meat they already have in the house so that it "doesn't go to waste". I have to ask whether they really get it at all if they are still capable of swallowing the flesh of animals who (they now know) have been tortured and killed. Talking about it as if it's a "waste" is talking about animals like they are things. If your dog died, you wouldn't think you should eat him up so as not to "waste" anything. Animals aren't resources for us to use.
I understand that it takes some time to adjust to a new way of thinking. Knowing something is true and feeling it's true are very different things. I know, I've been in psychotherapy (see vegan atheist adventures in psychotherapy blog coming up) for three years and counting. Maybe going meat and dairy (and all animals derivatives) free for me was easier because I was raised with lots of pets (dogs, cats, hamsters, rabbits, ducks, geese, chicken, horses) and always saw animals as beings in their own right. Maybe it was easier for me to suddenly stop because I've never been a massive meat fan anyway and have always disliked handling meat or cooking with it.
I think the stage I'm at with my psychotherapy has also made a difference to how quick and simple the transition (or lack of one) was - I've always had a tendency to defer to others in order to keep the peace (an unfortunate learned behaviour from a less than nurturing childhood) and so have always eaten meat because that's what everyone else does. It feels really good to say "no", now. To stand up for something I really believe in, that feels true to me.
I have a few, infrequent cravings. Oh, I used to love cheese.... I really loved cheese. And I do still long for a milk chocolate bar sometimes. But I know that is just conditioning. I notice the urge for chocolate most strongly when I've had a hard time with my family - that amazing sweet, seratonin boost.... so simple to go and get from the petrol station garage on the way home from my mum's house. But I never do. It's a learned behaviour and because I know that I can override it.
So, I think I would say to anyone who is thinking about easing themselves into veganism (not that anyone's asking me for my opinion on this) is to just question (not hashly but gently and genuinely) what your motivations for going vegan are. Because if your motivation is a moral, ethical one, you really should have all the emotional ammunition (compassion) you need to just. Stop.
